I'm just about "gone off the rails."
I expect to be hospitalised any day now.
I may not be able to post here.
I may be able to have a nervous breakdown.
I may not have a friend in the RL, everyday world.
I may keep the friends I have in the Blog/Journal world.
I have a genetic disorder.
My trust in certain blog friends has been tested,
and found to be untrustworthy ~~certain Texas winds of the past, blowing to far-away for comfort; hurtful, even when not i'm not at her blog, commenting. She has refused me..after endless apologies. It's so fucking useless.
I'm losing my eyesight...
(It's probably NOT as serious as I think it is, but I'm going to see a specialist anyway.)
I'm unhappy tonight.
I'm alone.
I'll probably be alone tomorrow.
My family is slowly ripping itself apart.
I wish I were in California; far away; far away from the noise, the yelling, the lost memory of my Father; the memory of a too-absent, dead mother.
Independence day started with a bang,
and got progressively worse as the day turned to night.
I'm still awake now. It's 5:02 am.
I'm crying.
I don't want to confess anymore. I'm sick, tired, and afraid
of what an overcast, rainy, morning
will bring.
I need to see more than one doctor...
~~The fact that is the Truth of my life..
..I confess
will only change
with a deep caring for me,
instead of others.
Sacrifice, just may entail giving up,
what I love...
what I loved
and,
who I am
now...
...beyond,
adam-i-am.
